He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I skipped work to stalk him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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