when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
