Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
