How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
