do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
