this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
