8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't turn off my feet"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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