i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
