We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
