I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
