I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
