Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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