You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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