I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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