i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
