he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
