When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
