Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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