I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
