The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize