he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
