just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
