Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
