38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize