You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
