With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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