I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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