If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize