were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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