How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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