my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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