I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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