the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
