I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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