So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
