just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
