I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
