his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
