I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
