He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
