if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
