He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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