i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
