It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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