i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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