bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
