There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I touched a dick in church today
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
