Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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