he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
