Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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