After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
