I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
