Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize