I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Girls should come with a carfax report
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's blow job season.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
