he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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