if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
