I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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