U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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