i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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