Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
