I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
