I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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