This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
