I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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