So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
