Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Small penises have feelings too.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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