Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
