she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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