I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
