he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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