It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I cannot find my penis.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
