this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Life is so much better after having sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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