I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
