apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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