is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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