I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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