Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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