I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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