Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
