i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
