If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
