hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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