if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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