Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
